apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
