What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
