Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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