theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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