If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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