He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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