I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
