At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
