she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
