He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
