While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
