I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
