I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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