I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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