Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
