College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize