All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
