dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
