worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
