i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
