My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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