he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
