He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
