i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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