Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
