i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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