Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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