Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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