Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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