Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
