i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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