My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
