he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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