Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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