its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
