I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
