I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
