Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
