So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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