So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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