I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
