just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
