Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
