Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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