while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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