Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
