I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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