If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
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Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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