He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
