god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
