I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
