you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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