Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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