i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
