pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
