I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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