PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
