so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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