he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
