it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Randomize
