I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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