Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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