brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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