you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
