Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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