Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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