it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
