I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
