At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
