i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
