He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
